First Week of Class

This looks to be a promising semester. Things are going well for me, in almost every aspect of life. My medical school applications are submitted and I have already been offered an interview! Yay! Now I just continue waiting. People tell you that the waiting game is the hardest part of the process. Well, I can say with confidence that they are dumb. I am loving this waiting stuff. Taking the MCAT was the hardest part. Passing Organic Chemistry II was up there. Now, I get to relax...finally...ummm, well, sort of.

The gem of my semester is going to be Physical Chemistry...notoriously evil. According to the syllabus: Upon completion of this course, students should be able to understand the principles of classical and quantum mechanics as they apply to biophysical experiment and theory.

Oh, should we now? Well, maybe you should speak for yourself, dumb syllabus. What does that even mean? Well, at least I got the prof to notice me in a class of 130 people. It's always important to stand out. How, you may ask? By laughing out loud when she said, as serious as could be, "failure is common."

Babies and other such Nonsense

I went to a baby shower today for a family friend. It was definitely the stereotypical, let's all goo and gush and make unnaturally high pitched squealing sounds over baby stuff, ultrasounds, and all that crap. Don't get me wrong...I love babies. I really do. I love big families, having come from one myself, and I want lots of kids someday. Maybe 17...I haven't decided yet. All I'm saying is that I am not fond of estrogen-powered "lady" parties. I was proud to have the role of the token young, free-spirited single girl at this particular event.

The women would smile at me and sigh, as if they knew some great secret that I don't know yet. She can't possibly understand us, we remember what it was like to be young and free. They kept making "Mommy" jokes that only women who have had the sense of humor sucked out of them by one of those little bundles of joy could possibly find funny. I mean, when the day comes that I am found gushing over embroidered giraffes and paisley lettering, someone, PLEASE kick me in the pants. Alas, it's inevitable, isn't it? You don't have to tell me, I know I will eat these words someday. Aren't you just glad that it's all documented on the internet, to rub in my face later?

"Oh, but nothing can compare to the joy of a child," says a woman as her baby throws up all over her. By the way, this kid hasn't stopped screaming since she arrived...wait, is that a little glimmer of envy of my carefree, come-and-go-as-I-please life, I see in her eyes? Oh no, it's just some throw up.

Ode to Kali

Oh, dear friend.
When I convinced us to go rollerblading at 3 am
It seemed like such a good idea at the time.
And it was for Lauryn and I.
Alas, for your poor bum, it was not.
Who knew I would have 2 pairs of rollerblades in the trunk of my car?
Yes, I stood there and laughed
And laughed and laughed and laughed
As you lay sprawled out on the pavement.
That speed bump was unkind.
Yes, I continued to laugh as we iced your bum down with a chilled bottle of wine.
YES, I laughed as you would call me with your woes,
You would describe the pain involved in the transition between sitting and standing,
The trials of living with a broken ass.
But then, Karma, came around.
I pulled my lower back muscle.
And now it's not so funny.


Except that it is! I still laugh, even at myself, but now I feel even more sorry for you than before. Actually, I am almost all the way better, and I know that mine was nothing compared to yours. But last Sunday sitting and standing in church was brutal!

I just want to take this opportunity in front of everyone to say:
I am sorry for convincing you to go roller blading with me.
I am sorry that you did not heed my advice to avoid the mountain you tried to rollerblade down. I am sorry that you hit two speed bumps.
I am sorry you jammed your ass.
But for the sake of having a hilarious story that still makes me laugh when I think about it,
I am not that sorry.

What have you been? - Part Deaux

Lately, I've been doing a lot of reflecting. Reflecting on who I am, who I have been and who I've wanted to grow into. It involved some introspection. I had to look inside myself to see if I'm living up to the woman that I was hoping to be at this point. In some ways, yes, in some ways, no. I believe that God is steering me down the right paths right now and that His grace is enough to get me through the rough patches. And, boy, have there been some ROUGH patches. I felt his presence with me strongly as I was taking my monster test and was reminded that the only thing keeping me from that assurance all the time is myself. I allow myself to focus on what the world focuses on: relationships, dating, grades, career, money, health…take your pick. In the end none of this matters.

I am reminded of Luke 6:31-34 from the SPV Bible (Sevahn’s Personal Version):

“So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ [or Who shall I date? or Will I get into medical school? or Can I afford gas? or Did I choose the right career? or Is my GPA good enough? or Do people like me?] For the pagans run after these things and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

That’s His promise to me, so I had better hold up my end of the deal. So I'm ready to enter the world of a medical school applicant full of confidence in the God who has brought me this far. He has been faithful and kept His promises and I LOVE Him for it.

FAQ

FAQ 1: How did you do on the MCAT, Sev?
I did well on the MCAT! Yahoooooo! For those of you who don't believe in miracles, well, let's just say this is a prime example. You should have seen how nervous I was to check my scores online. My hands were literally shaking. Once the numbers popped up on the screen, I just jumped and ran around the house for about 15 minutes yelling, with intermittent bouts of singing. Then, I ran to Soneeg, and made her check, just to make sure I hadn't gone dyslexic...I could hardly believe my eyes. It was a good day. I proceeded to celebrate my scores for the next few weekends, surely killing many of the braincells that assisted in said score.

FAQ 2: Well, Sev, what are you doing now?
Let's be honest, I am still celebrating...a lot. After the last semester I had, I feel I deserve it. You could sum up the pre-MCAT days with a Nada Surf song:

I had the blankest year,
I saw life turn into a T.V. show.
It was totally weird.
The person I knew, I didn't really know.

I used this summer as a sort of sabbatical, and feel much better as a result. Don't get me wrong, though. I also worked very hard this summer. I am working two part-time jobs in the medical center in research. I am also preparing for my last year at UH. Lastly, and most importantly, I am applying to medical school. Let me tell you, that has been quite a pleasure. [Insert sarcastic scoff here.] The funny thing is, when you tell people that you are applying to medical school, almost everyone likes to tell you how much they HATE doctors. They continue with personal little anecdotes about how horrible doctors are and how they were almost killed by one. I'm not sure how to take that. What's the polite response? "Umm...I'll try not to kill anyone" or maybe "Hey! You're right! Doctors suck. I think I'll be an artist instead." Well, if med school doesn't pan out, my back up plan has been and always will be to become a European vagrant.

Where have you been?

Praise God. I truly have felt reborn since my last post. That's how I know it was real. Throughout all this time, I still feel rejuvenated. I feel like the happy-go-lucky person I used to be. That burden was lifted. The pain and the fear of the unknown was lifted. I let God in control and whatever it was that was holding me back, is gone. I feel close to God. I feel happy. I feel whole again! YES!

Having been in that dark place of loneliness, emptiness, and fear; hating who you have become, wishing you could go back to who you used to be, I can sense when others are there. Could this be a calling? I see my friends go through these valleys and I want to help them. If nothing else, just to say, "I was there, it sucks. There is only one way out. Jesus." It just helps to know you are not alone. Well, you're not.