Hey everybody! I started working again. I recently got another echocardiogram and they said that everything looks good! I got the O.K. to drive my car again and to have a low stress level job. It feels sooooo incredibly good to have something to do. I am working as one of the children's ministry interns at church again for the third summer in a row...they can't get rid of me...muah hahahaha! I actually was supposed to be working at a hospital this summer, but obviously my plans drastically changed due to some stuff that happened this last semester...you know, the almost dying stuff...oh well... :)
I discovered that I am not the kind of person who can sit around aimlessly and just watch TV all day. I have to have something to do,and not just stuff to keep me busy. I need goals in life. I have to be working towards something in order not to feel like a useless, good-for-nothing person. I found myself getting really depressed and just feeling all-around bad about myself and for myself. Some of that is obviously a side-effect of the medicines, but the other part was satan getting a hold of me and causing me to lose sight of all the blessings in my life. I started getting frustrated that my whole future was up in the air now...who knows what I will major in or how long it will take me to catch up or even where I should attend next semester? I was stuck at home with a pillbox and a walker while every other 21 year old was having the time of their life. One day, I just realized what I was doing. It was easy for me to trust God when my life was in danger, but when it was nothing except my own feelings of insignificance, I didn't want to bother God with those problems. I mean, why should He care about that? Besides what right did I have to bring up that stuff after all God had already done for me? Well, as soon as I realized that this is the faulty logic I was following, I stopped feeling sorry for myself. I wasn't going to worry about a thing because I knew that God would take care of everything. Not just the "big" things, but every minute detail as well. It was so silly of me to get caught up in feeling sorry for myself, but to make myself feel better I blame it on the meds...not my own obvious immaturity...hehe.
Anyways, it helps now that I am working again. I am really excited about my job. I absolutely looooovvveee working with the kids. They really do bring so much joy to everyone around them. I have a feeling that this is going to be a great summer after all.
Mr. Stadium Scoreboard Marriage Proposal Guy
5 years ago