My Big Fat Armenian Blog

Goodbye 2009, You Were Good To Me.

2009-12-31T01:42:00.003-06:00

2009 was a good year. A lot changed for me. I have a whole new life. I am in a place, I never imagined I could be. It is so funny how quickly things can just change and then feel like that is how they have always been. God has been good to me!

I am on my first (and only) real vacation in the first year of medical school. We get 2 weeks for Christmas and New Year. I just completed 4 months of school, but it feels like it's been years. I have to admit, medical school is difficult. They were seriously NOT KIDDING. I mean, really mentally exhausting. I'm not complaining really. I am very grateful to be here. I am simply acknowledging that it takes a lot of discipline, and honestly I am still adjusting to this new, intense lifestyle that it requires. I am still happy and I still love it. If it wasn't for some of the wonderful people I have come to care about, I would have reached my break point already. We all suffer together. We help each other along. We encourage each other. On days that I am strong, I help the weak around me, and on days I am weak, there is always someone there to lift me up.

I feel very blessed because I went to medical school thinking that the majority of the people there would be socially awkward, uptight, type A, and generally suck (and believe me, there are plenty of them out there), but I have met some incredibly cool people. Maybe it's a UTMB thing, but a lot of people are laid back, humble, and know how to have some fun! I love that about UTMB. I also really like living on an island and on the beach! I wake up every day to look out my window at the sun rising over the ocean. I have a great apartment with an amazing roommate! I am walking distance from the beach and absolutely take advantage of that! I especially love our post-exam beach parties. Galveston is pretty quiet, but that's sort of perfect for medical school. There isn't too much to distract you here in GBay, but it still has personality. Downtown and the Strand are fun. I kind of like that small town feel, but probably only because Houston is close enough for a fun night in a real city anytime. I am still close to my family and friends in Houston and see them often, which is really nice for those times when I just want to escape from the med school world. I really feel so blessed. Things could not be more perfect. Thank you, God!

I am looking forward to a New Year. 2009 was filled with lots of change and the unknown. Lots of uncertainty. Here's to 2010! Full of promise! May God guide us all as we devote our lives to Him and His glory.

Don't Worry, I'm 1/16th of a Doctor...

2009-09-20T14:13:00.003-05:00

4 years minus 8 weeks to go.

Have you ever been incredibly nervous and unsure about something and then once you begin the process it just all feels so right? It feels like this is what you were meant to do. That's how medical school is for me.

At first, I was apprehensive about it. I wondered if it was the right choice for me. Do I really want to be in school for another decade? The minute I got here, all me fears were put to rest. Even though I have only been through 8 weeks, it feels like I've been here for years. It's funny how things seem to fly by when everything is so intense. They weren't kidding about the workload. There is really no time to spare, so every second is used to it's fullest potential.

You have to look at it like a career. The studying and the classes are my full-time job. And the thing that makes it great is that I am absolutely fascinated by what I am doing. I realize it won't always be that way, but for now it really is.

As of last friday, I finished the first block of medical school: GAR (Gross Anatomy & Radiology).I am 1/16th of the way there! Woooooooooo!

Amber Getting Married and Sev Getting Moving

2009-08-18T02:40:00.005-05:00

I just spent the weekend in the Dallas-Fort Worth area for my college roommate's wedding festivities. What a blast! I saw a lots of old friends I hadn't seen for at least 3 years. It's amazing how many people are married, having children, and moving on in their lives in big ways. Congratulations Amber & Daniel!!!

I had so much fun seeing Amber and Kali. Even after being apart for so long, we pick right back up as if we were never apart. (I adore you guys.) In fact, this weekend ended up being the pick-me-up I needed. I came home with a load of new experiences, fun memories, re-energized, happy, and re-confident. I have such a blessed life and I am truly happy with where I am headed.

Now, I am ready to PACK, PACK, PACK and PLAY, PLAY, PLAY.

Moving to Galveston in 3 days!
Starting medical school in 2 weeks!

2 Weeks Left

2009-08-07T01:46:00.003-05:00

I have exactly 2 weeks until the BIG MOVE. Everything has been building up to this point.
In 2 weeks, I move to my new apartment in Galveston to start medical school. A new life for me. Sigh.

Is that a dreamy sigh or an anxious sigh? I'm not really sure. Both, I think.

There's No Place I'd Rather Be

2009-07-12T10:27:00.007-05:00

I have been home for one week today and it has been a fantastic week! To me, one of the best feelings in the world is coming home again. There are few things that can match it.

You FINALLY get through customs and walk through the automatic doors and you see the vacant expressions on the faces of your loved ones (who have been at the airport for close to two hours already due to your delayed plane). There is that moment when they see you and you witness the most beautiful thing you will ever see. Their faces completely change. They are overtaken with excitement and love. Pure, unadulterated joy. Another glimpse of God. It just oozes out of them. I am pretty sure I yelled "get out of the way" and ran over a few people to get to them. You experience one of the best hugs of your entire life...can you even call it a hug? It's just not a strong enough word. Embrace. Just holding each other so tight, making up for all the missed hugs while you were gone. There is not one thought in your mind except for the presence of the people you are holding. And when there are 6 of you in the family it becomes a strange, choreographed dance. You take turns, grabbing whoever is closest, re-hugging, adding an extra person here and there, a big group hug, then back to the singles. You are so overcome that you can't talk. So much joy that words don't come out, only laughter.

And I don't care how old you get (24!), there is nothing that makes you feel totally safe and relaxed like being in your dad or mom's arms. Maybe I am a little sentimental towards them, but when you have looked at their faces and legitimately had the thought, "I will never see them again," your outlook on everything changes. Thank you, heart surgery.

It is such a statement of love to miss someone. Such an honor. Before you leave, the people who matter would call just to hear your voice once more, then while you were gone they would facebook, email, and text you, just to let you know they missed you and were thinking about you. I was overwhelmed by the love I received. It reminded me of the hospital days. Then you come home and phone calls and visits come pouring in. Friends and family alike. Is there really a difference between the two? I am not talking about shallow, fair-weather friends here. I am talking the real thing. I appreciate you guys so much and I love you!

Travel is a beautiful thing. You have the best time abroad, but then you come home to an even better time. It truly makes you appreciate what you have. I truly feel loved and this affirmation of love that has been flowing from family and friends is exactly the strength I needed to get me through whatever trials lay ahead. The value of this life is measured in love and people and relationships (one of Jesus' main messages). I feel like one of the wealthiest girls on this Earth. I am so blessed!

European Adventures: Part 5...Adios

2009-07-04T04:22:00.003-05:00

Happy 4th of July! God bless America and everyone in the whole world too!

Today is my last full day in Europe. We're leaving tomorrow. It's bittersweet because we are sad to leave (there is still so much to see and do), but at the same time we are really excited to go home. I miss everyone! I can't wait to see all of you!

Tomorrow makes it 3 whole weeks of European fun. I've had the time of my life. I saw some really amazing things, met a lot of cool people, and solidified some great relationships. In the end, that's what really matters isn't it? It's not what country you are in or what things you've seen, but it's really about who you're with and the connections you make. Relationships and people and love are really the only things that matter in this world. That is why I am actually ready to go back and see the ones I love. And show them the 1000+ pictures I've taken...:)

See you soon!

Happy 26th Anniversary, Mommy and Baba!

2009-07-03T00:00:00.001-05:00

I love you!

European Adventures: Part 4...The London Scene

2009-07-02T00:00:00.000-05:00

Oh, the London Scene! You know those rainy days, they ain't so bad when you're the King.

London has been such an experience. I've made a couple of day trips there these last few weeks. It's my second time to visit London and it's even better this time around. I love the whole London scene: the craziness of the streets, the fun of the shopping, the natural beauty of the parks, the history of the ancient buildings, the contemporary shops and restaurants... It's all so much fun. I love how everything is just so aesthetically pleasing to the eye. There is a union of old and new that is just beautiful.

The English people are so friendly too! The fact that we are American makes us cool. The fact we are Armenian makes us exotic. Put them together and how can you not have the best time ever? Apparently I have a sexy accent! Who knew!?!? I surely didn't know. Ha! Yay for England!

Of course we saw all the sights: Big Ben, Parliament Building, Westminster Abbey, Buckingham Palace, Tower Bridge, River Thames, and much more. It was all so fun. The British Museum is always one of my favorite and reminds me of my time in Greece. We went through it and found all things Armenian. There were quite a few items...primarily old wine vessels and other alcoholic paraphernalia.

My new, absolute favorite is the National Gallery!!! I adore art. Albert Einstein says, "Personally, I experience the greatest degree of pleasure in having contact with works of art. They furnish me with happy feelings of such intensity such as I cannot derive from other realms." I agree for the most part. Obviously the greatest source of happiness and joy for me comes from God, but as for worldly pleasures, art is at the top for me. It connects you to humanity throughout the centuries. A glimpse into their world. They had an amazing collection including Van Gogh, Rembrandt, Renoir, Picasso, Monet, Manet, Seurat, Pissaro, Cezanne, van Eyck, Leonardo da Vinci, Raphael, Michelangelo, etc...3 out of the 4 teenage mutant ninja turtles! I'm a sucker for Impressionism and they had a great wing of Impressionist paintings. I like for things to be dream-like, almost as if you are seeing a memory. The details are vague, lines are blurry. It captures a feeling more than anything else. I love it. London has been so much fun!

European Adventures: Part 3...The French Riviera

2009-07-01T09:27:00.009-05:00

As a graduation present, my aunt and uncle took us for a weekend in Nice, France...as if England wasn't amazing enough. I have been to Paris for one day 5 years ago. It was really cool to see the Louvre and the Eiffel Tower, but I really didn't know what to expect from Nice. I knew it was the capital of the French Riviera and a popular resort destination for the wealthy people. Maybe that's why I had always distanced myself from it...possibly because I never really saw this one coming.

I was really excited about going and had really high expectations. There is great danger when you set yourself up like that because things never seem to measure up to what you dreamed it would be. Let me just say that weekend in Nice was beyond my wildest imagination! It exceeded my expectations a million-fold. It was the most incredible vacation I have ever been on, second only to my time in Greece. TRES MAGNIFIQUE!!!

It has taken me this long just to process the whole thing. Every moment felt like some kind of fairytale dream...from the moment we got into a taxi at the airport to the moment we arrived back in England.

The hotel was amazing. It was on the Promenade de Anglais, a beautiful pedestrian walk along the pebble beaches of the Mediterranean. It had the most perfect view of the Mediterranean sea. We are talking postcard perfect. I have tons of great pictures that I will post up later (and by tons, I am not over exaggerating in the slightest). Seelva and I had a spectacular room to ourselves and felt like we had won the lottery. We spent that Friday exploring Nice, particularly the old city. Nice delivered all the things you would want and crave out of a vacation in France. The exciting, crowded streets, adorable outdoor cafes, unique shops and boutiques, the most beautiful pebble beaches, and the fiery passion of the French people (right up my alley).

I love the way they are so intense about everything. That's why they are notorious for being rude. If they don't like you, they won't spend a millisecond being nice to you. If they do like you, they turn on the charm and disarm you with their kindness and suave personalities. Lucky for us, my sister and I were well liked in France. :) Actually, most of the time, the French people thought we were native. Apparently we look French as well as Greek, Egyptian, Italian, Hispanic, Persian...the list goes on and on... You should have seen the look of disappointment when they realized I only spoke English, but then they were still nice.

You really felt you were in a foreign country because people didn't really speak much English and all the signs and menus were in French. I really don't speak French at all, save for being able to say "merci" and "si'l vous plait" and "mon cherie." I love it that way. I absolutely adore the French language...primarily the English language in a strong French accent. "Bonjour Mademoiselle" melts my heart. I know it's totally stereotypical, but I can't help myself and I am willing to bet neither could you.

The weekend was perfect. It included enjoying the city life of Nice, a day lounging at the beach and swimming in the Mediterranean, and a great tour of the Best of the French Riviera. This included visiting the neighboring country of Monaco. Monte Carlo was incredible. We got to drive along the Grand Prix track. We also visited Antibes (Picasso used to live here) and Cannes (ever heard of little old film festival they have there every year?). Cannes had the very best sandy beaches I have ever seen in my life. We also visited these old medieval villages in the mountains, one was the village of Eze and the other was St. Paul de Vence, which was now a Bohemian art village. St. Paul was known to be home to many of the Great Masters back when they weren't so great. There is a restaurant with a year long waiting list. The story goes that back then St. Paul was a place of starving artists. Because they could not pay with money, they offered little sketches and paintings to pay their rent and for food. This restaurant holds pictures that were offered up by some of the greats like Matisse and Picasso, back when they were nobody. It was such a cool little village.

There is so much beauty everywhere you look in that entire area, it is really no wonder so many creative minds and great artists, engineers, and inventors were so inspired to produce such great works. I know I felt inspired. I crave that stimulation of my creative, artistic side after spending so many years developing the logical, scientific side. I think it is good to have a balance. This vacation was like therapy. I felt more relaxed and serene than I have in a long time.

My favorite moment was when I was just sitting on the beach looking at the most beautiful clear, bright blue water you have every seen, listening to waves crash on the beach and the pebbles, sunkissed, thinking about God, full of joy and thankfulness, with not a care in the world. Pure serenity. That is a moment I know I will treasure and go back to when things get stressful in these next 4 years...a little glimpse of Heaven on this Earth.

A Texas Adventure from Europe...

2009-06-25T14:00:00.002-05:00

THE BEST THING JUST HAPPENED!!!! GOD IS GOOD! Like literally about 10 minutes ago. I will actually graduate this summer!

You know that the problem was that I was lacking a Visual Performing Arts credit. I have been trying to solve this problem since March. My advisors said that if I petitioned for a transfer from the Harding Art class I took, it would be fine. What those idiots didn't take into account was that it was only worth 2 hours and Texas requires 3. I hadn't heard from the first petition for over a month and via email from here in Europe I kept desperately emailing my advisors and all kinds of secretaries and stuff. A couple of days ago they emailed me my approved petition, but pointed out I was still one hour short of graduating. I have been devastated, so I started searching for a summer class I can take. There was only one available and it was full. I desperately emailed the professor and she said she would try to help me get in, but there were no guarantees. That was today. My only other hope was a second petition I submitted a day before I left for England. I emailed them about it again today...been doing that almost every day...and TODAY THEY EMAILED ME BACK AND SAID IT WAS APPROVED!!! So I don't have to take a summer class, and I DO get to graduate and I WON'T GET KICKED OUT OF MEDICAL SCHOOL. I knew I was stressed about it, but I didn't realize how badly. I just started crying in front of everyone as I read that email . It was pretty pathetic, but it makes for a PERFECT start to my vacation in France. I feel so light and carefree now. I AM OFFICIALLY GRADUATING AND GOING TO MEDICAL SCHOOL!!!! YAYAYAYYYAY!

European Adventures: Part 2

2009-06-25T13:18:00.002-05:00

We are leaving to go to the South of France tomorrow. We will be going to Nice and Cannes in France, then onto Monte Carlo, Monaco. AAAHHAHHAHA! Can this be real!? I am excited beyond words! I can't believe it! These are the most amazing places in France. Ocean front suite at the hotel. EEEEEeeeekkkkkkk!

We are having such a great time. We went on a picnic in front of a 5000 year old castle today. Cool, eh? We also went to northern Wales earlier this week, thereby adding another country to the list of countries we visited. We went to London a few days ago and THAT WAS THE MOST FUN OF ALL. We are going back next week again to continue seeing all the sights. Yay!

Love you all and miss you lots.

Sorry that the posts are not coming along as much as I thought, but that's just because there is too much fun to be had! All shall be revealed in time...

European Adventures: Part 1

2009-06-17T14:54:00.004-05:00

I am having a WONDERFUL time here so far! I arrived in Bristol, U.K. on Sunday and have been having a great time since! It's only been 3 days, but we already we feel so welcome at my aunt and uncle's. Fredo Hopar and Stella Auntie have been so hospitable! Our guest room looks like a fancy room at an inn. They live in a beautiful, old Victorian house that has been remodeled inside. They keep insisting that their house is ours and have made us feel very comfortable here. Everyday so far, Stella has taken us somewhere to sightsee during the day, then Celina comes home from school, and we all hang out together. By the time afternoon rolls around, Seelva and I are exhausted from the day and jetlag. We have taken to exploring the city on our own in the afternoons and meeting some of the locals. Everyone is so friendly and seem to be thrilled that we are Americans from TEXAS. The Texas part is always their favorite.

Bristol is absolutely BEAUTIFUL! Every street, every building, and every shop is exactly how you would picture things to be in England. There are beautiful, old victorian building everywhere. Bright colors and gardens are along every winding cobblestone road.

We've been taking it pretty easy these few days to recover from jetlag, but we are about to start a round of day excursions to see more of England. This includes Bath, Cheddar, Stonehenge, and some city in Wales. Yayyy! Also, Fred and Stella have planned a 3 day trip to the South of France. We are going to Nice, Cannes, Monte Carlo, and Monaco. YYIIIIPPPPEEEEE! It is supposed to be the most beautiful time of year to be there in the most beautiful part of France. Eventually, Seelva and I are going on our own little three day excursion to experience London and then another one to experience Paris. Depending on how our finances work out, we may take a train to Germany to visit Melis, but that is still up in the air.

I am overwhelmed by the generosity that we are recieving here. I have the best family ever! I am so blessed! Love and miss you all back home!

Europe and Europeans are Fun

2009-06-11T16:28:00.004-05:00

This has been a crazy, fun week! I haven't been around much, but that is because there has been a lot going on. We have had relatives from Europe come for my cousin's wedding, so we have been entertaining one German and one Frenchman! It has been great. I love Europeans. I love showing off the great city of Houston and getting to know family members that I didn't even know existed until about a month ago.

Since last Thursday, I have had a night at Rice Village, gone to my sister's high school graduation, thrown an awesome birthday party for one of my favorite people, gone to a rehearsal dinner, cousin's Wedding, a day to recover from cousin's wedding, a 2 day trip to Austin (vineyards in the Hill Country, 6th street, swimming in Lake Travis), and a Dynamo game.

The BIG news is that I LEAVE FOR EUROPE IN 2 DAYS!!! The next two days are devoted to packing and spending my last few moments with friends and family that I will miss. It's been 5 years since I was there last, and I have been dying to go back since. I absolutely love to travel and see and experience new things. It's a "graduation/congrats on med school" present from my parents. A sort of last hurrah before my life gets sucked away. :) My little sister, Seelva, who just graduated from high school is going too...we make a good team! Shenanigans will abound! We will be there for 3 weeks!!! We'll be primarily in England, but hopefully this will include a mini-trip to Paris and possibly one to Germany as well.

I'll keep you updated with pictures and tales of our grand European adventures!

Term Papers are Fun

2009-05-06T14:17:00.002-05:00

Dear Loud Annoying Girl Sitting Across From Me at the Library Right Now,

Shut up! Some of us are very interested in finishing our term papers that are due at midnight. Somehow you have the superhuman power of having a shrill voice that is able to penetrate my iPod. With this great power comes great responsibility. You are blowing it, chica. Don't you notice all the looks you are getting from everyone within a 10-mile radius...including the poor girl you are talking to? You reek of insecurity.
Love,
Sev

P.S It DOES sound like you're nothing but a glorified booty call to him. Goodbye.

Fight against the Sadness, Artax!

2009-04-19T14:57:00.006-05:00

Nothing quite like cemeteries in the rain.

April 15 marked the one-year anniversary of my grandmother's passing and today is her Hokee Hankeest. This translates into "soul rest". It's basically a memorial service and marks the end of the mourning period. (Armenians have 3 main events when someone passes: the funeral, a 40-day memorial service, and a one-year memorial service.) A Hokee Hankeest involves a ritual gathering of close friends and family at the gravesite while the Armenian priest says a prayer. Then everyone goes to church, and lastly everyone at church is invited to join the family of the deceased for food, pastries, coffee, and fellowship.

Today's weather reflected our moods pretty accurately. It started out gloomy, depressing, melancholy, and ended up being a beautiful day. So the question is, where did the shift happen?

Well, it went a little something like this:

It was raining. Only a light drizzle, but enough to make my hair look ridiculous. Every step I took, no matter how calculated or deliberate, sent mud splattering up my legs and all over my shoes...my high heels. I got mud in my high heel shoes. Ugh. Slowly, family members started arriving and congregating around my grandmother's grave. It was funny watching everyone try to figure out the "path of least flood and mud", and how to navigate between the burial plots. It didn't matter because everyone was covered in mud by the time they reached her gravesite.

The mood was solemn. Cemetaries get that way. My sisters and I arrived pretty early and had to wait as everyone else arrived. We tried to find the highest ground possible and took our positions, scared to move even the slightest bit because it would be sure to sink you into the ground. It was like a game for all the women present. Try NOT to let your heels sink into the soggy earth. It had been raining all weekend and the ground was extremely soft. It was funny to see people wobble, pull out their heels from the ground, then reposition themselves on a seemingly sturdier area only to do it all over again. Finally, the family was all present and so was the Armenian priest.

At this point my feet were already killing me because I had spent the evening before on my feet in heels for several hours. Needless to say, I was not comfortable. We stood at the grave for a while, all the time softening the ground beneath us even more. At one point my heels sunk into the ground for the millionth time, and at that point I whispered to Seelva, "I give up." I just let them go down and stood there with my heels in the mud, feeling sad and pathetic and sorry for myself.

Seelva, leaned over and whispered back, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Never give up! Don't let the sadness take you, Artax! You dumb horse!"

I TOTALLY lost it! Everyone within earshot busted out laughing! If you aren't laughing right now as you read this, it's because you have never seen The Neverending Story (for shame!), or just can't remember it. Go look up "Artax dies in the Swamp of Sadness" on Youtube right now! It's the scene where a warrior boy (Atreyu) and his horse (Artax) are traveling through the Swamps of Sadness. If you let sadness overtake you, you sink in the mud and die (kind of like quicksand, except quickmud). The boy's horse at one point gives in to sadness, sinks, and dies. It is ridiculously cheesy, over-the-top dramatic, and HILARIOUS!

It was so funny because it was almost exactly what I was doing at that moment! I really was feeling pretty lousy AND literally sinking in the mud. Then all of a sudden, I decided not to give in to the sadness. And the clouds disappeared and the world became a brighter, happier place. This is just another reason why it is important to have people you love around you to lift you up. I didn't need a lecture or a cry or to talk about my feelings. All I needed was someone who loves me to make me laugh by quoting a classic 80s fantasy film. Thank you, Seelva. :)

Engagement Parties are the Best.

2009-03-15T02:03:00.006-05:00

I just came home from an awesome engagement party. Armenian style. Shoorch Bar. Live band. Huge dance floor. Fog machine. Flashing lights. Satin fabric. Chandeliers. Flowing fountains. Abundant alcohol. Delicious food. Pretty dresses. High heels (but not me because of my stupid ankle). Fine then, kitten heels. Lots of boisterous dancing with friends and strangers. A sweet dance with my grandfather who was recently diagnosed with lung cancer and doesn't have much longer to go. As we danced he hugged me and wept. Good God! What's a girl to do. I cried too. Then I began salsa dancing.

Thank God for medical school. Otherwise I would have no escape from the awkwardness of Armenian women asking me if I am "next". They send out a blessing that translates as "may your luck be opened." Basically it means, I hope you will be the next lucky one. This is a compliment, but it can just as easily be disguised as a passive aggressive attack...it all depends on who you are talking to. Luckily I have more friends than foes in the Armenian world. The older ladies are the ones who (much like the church of christ) are ready to diagnose you. "Come on girl! Maybe you are being too picky. I know! You need a nice Armenian boy. Get with the program. Oh! You got into medical school. Good girl. In that case, it's okay. You were busy studying all the time. Well, good for you. You know there are many good Armenian men in California. There are medical schools in California. You should go to school there. You should find a husband there. In fact, my grandson is visiting from there. Here he is..."

You can imagine how it goes from there. Even though it can be weird, I secretly love it. It is just too hilarious not to enjoy every awkward second. I know it's not the world I belong to, but it sure is fun to party with them every once in a while. If there is one thing that can be said about Armenians, it is that they know how to have a good time.

3 Year Anniversary

2009-03-01T23:42:00.006-06:00

Three years ago today, I was having heart surgery. How strange and wonderful. Praise God for healing and restoring my mind, heart, body and soul.

I don't know what it is about this weekend in my life, but I feel like really important, life-changing things keep happening year after year. It's kind of funny and ironic. And weird.

This weekend has been a important checkpoint in my spiritual journey. It's been extremely fulfilling on so many levels. First of all, like I mentioned already, today is the 3 year anniversary of my heart surgery. I know that people are over it and don't care, but it is something that I deal with and think about almost every day. I am not burdened with it anymore. I used to be until exactly 1 year ago this weekend.

Soul Link was this weekend and as I spent time reflecting on God and immersing myself in Him (which is exactly why I love things like Soul Link...an entire weekend devoted to thinking about God!), I also began to reflect on my life these past three years.

About 3 years ago, my life was as blessed as always and things were going along so smoothly. I had such a great life. I was only 3 semesters away from graduating, I maintained a 4.0 GPA, I was dating a really great guy, I had an amazing group of friends, I had a great apartment and was living with the best room mates ever. Things were going so well for me in every aspect of my life. I felt so content. Then, out of nowhere I got sick and my world turned upside down (sick being an extreme understatement, but I have already devoted so many posts explaining this, so I won't go into too much detail here).

For the following 2 years, I fell into the age-old trap of trying to "fix" everything myself. God did the important stuff (keeping me alive), now it was my turn to do my part. I felt like I had to work hard and make my life worth it...you know, pay God back, in a sense. How could I have so stupidly thought that I could even be remotely good enough or able to pay God back or even accomplish anything for that matter? That was my first problem. I needed a major lesson in humility. I am NOT in control, never will be, and never can be. It doesn't matter if I get all my ducks in a row, as I would soon find out, because THAT is not the answer. There is only one answer and that is to surrender your entire life to God. Jesus takes your pain away. But for 2 years I tried to "fix" everything myself.

I put my hope in the wrong things. Not bad things, mind you. All the things I worked for and wanted were good things that I believe God wants to bless us with, but the problem was my motives. I was putting my hope in these things, when it really needed to be in Christ alone.

I thought I needed friends because I was alone in Houston after moving back home post-surgery. I was immediately blessed with a solid support system of great friends who are incredible. I still felt empty.

I thought I needed to get my health back on track. I was the healthier after that first year, than I have ever been. I only ate perfect, healthy food and worked out an average of 6-8 times a week. I was obsessed. I was in great shape, and felt good physically. I still felt empty.

I thought I needed to find love so I became a serial dater. It's funny because I never thought I would be that girl. I started with a very conservative, Christian-school (aka only date someone you could see yourself potentially marrying) attitude, but eventually saw how ridiculous this was and finally started acting more like an adult (aka non-committal, give it a chance, just looking for someone to spend some time with, enjoy life, and laugh together dating). I have to say this was one of the best revelations I have had! Although there wasn't a single truly meaningful relationship there, in a strange way all those little relationships added up to be a very meaningful and treasured experience for me. It was the confidence boost I needed and I learned soooooo much about myself, what I want, what I value, and who I am. Also, I am the type of person that likes to try everything once, before I make a final decision. I never want to resent someone because I feel like I settled. You know, it's just your basic principles of research. I kept meeting the most interesting and (for the most part) great guys. I still felt empty.

I thought I needed to get my education back on track, after dropping out for a while. If I could just secure a career path or at least have a clue what I was going to be when I grew up, I would feel better. God truly blessed me by leading me into medicine. He made this part of my life incredibly, miraculously easy. But, I still felt emtpy.

I find it so interesting because looking back, I can see that God was so patient with me. He just let me take 2 entire years of filtering through stupid ideas of how to make my life better. Even though He knew what I really needed in order to be completely healed, He blessed me with all the things I was asking for, just to help me to understand. He realized how dense I can be, and figured a 2 year object lesson was really the only way to get through to a stubborn Armenian.

You can actually go back to the old post I wrote after Soul Link 2008 (1 year ago!) and see where I talk about a spiritual renewal. I was an empty shell of who I was meant to be. I was in a terrible downward spiral and it happened to be at Soul Link during a song at a concert where it all became painfully clear to me. I heard God speak. It wasn't the booming, scary God voice, but it was my own voice, except in a way that I never really hear it. It was clear and there was a sense of power, calm strength, and authority. The answer was not to hide from the pain and fear and uncertainty. It was not to find solace in a planned out future, in love, in friends, or anything else. It was to love God, to love Jesus, and to surrender everything to Him. The only way to be happy was to be completely His, and you can't be completely His, until you surrender.

This past year, has been such a blessed one for me, in every way. I changed my attitude and my life that weekend. That is not to mislead you into thinking things have been perfect. In fact, things have gotten downright bad at some points, yet there is unexplainable joy in my heart. No matter what I do or what happens to me, I have purpose. Although, I don't always know what that purpose is, I have faith in a God who will always take care of me and love me.

"To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul;
in you I trust, O my God.
Do not let me be put to shame,
nor let my enemies triumph over me.
No one whose hope is in you
will ever be put to shame...

Show me your ways, O Lord,
teach me your paths;
guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.
Remember, O Lord, your great mercy and love,
for they are from old.
Remember not the sins of my youth
and my rebellious ways;
according to your love remember me,
for you are good, O Lord...

Turn to me and be gracious to me,
for I am lonely and afflicted.
The troubles of my heart have multiplied;
free me from my anguish.
Look upon my affliction and my distress
and take away all my sins.
See how my enemies have increased
and how fiercly they hate me!
Guard my life and rescue me;
let me not be put to shame,
for I take refuge in you.
May integrity and uprightness protect me,
because my hope is in you."

Psalm 25

Discovery Only Requires A Prepared Mind

2009-02-25T00:30:00.002-06:00

Annals of the Armenian who got Accepted to Medical School

2009-02-06T01:35:00.011-06:00

I got accepted to UTMB Medical School. WHAT!?!? Did that really happen?
I chronicled the important events in my life that were part of my journey to medical school:

All my Life - Being part of my family
2002 - Anaheed's Illness
March 2006 - Near Death Experience
Aug 2006 - Meet Adrianne
Oct 23, 2006 - Job with Dr. Abrams in a Research Lab
May 2008 - MCAT
June 2008 - 30!
Aug/Sept 2008 - Applied to Medical School
Oct 2008 - Invited to two interviews
Oct 24, 2008 - UT-H interview
Nov 14, 2008 - UTMB interview
Nov 18, 2008 - Early acceptance to UTMB
Feb 1, 2008 - Officially matched to UTMB

Time for a confession that will give you an insight into the crazy that is me: I am kind of expecting to wake up and it be March 1, 2006 and I'm in a hospital bed coming-to-consciousness in the recovery room after heart surgery. All of this is just a side-effect of coming off some serious anesthesia. Did I just imagine these last 3 years? How did this happen? Time seemed to crawl, but now looking back, it all seems a strange blur. The road was long, hard, and mostly difficult, but somehow I made it here. Talk about God's hand providing guidance and joy along the way! I would not have made it without Him. Now that it has happened I am...well, I have no clue what I am. Happy. Shocked. Undeserving. Appreciative. Terrified. Overwhelmed. Aflutter. Burdened. Shocked. Happy. Blessed.

Happy Chinese New Year!

2009-01-26T22:44:00.005-06:00

It's the Year of the Ox (aka the Year of Sevahn) Actually, I have no idea what being an Ox means, except for allowing fording rivers to be a possibility, so I did a little research and thought I would share my findings. Obviously, not everyone born in 1985 has these qualities...that would be weird, but I wanted to see how Ox-like I am.

Yes, I am expecting rude and hilarious comments from all of you.

Here is what Wikipedia has to say about it:

The Ox is the sign of prosperity through fortitude and hard work. This powerful sign is a born leader, being quite dependable and an innate ability to achieve great things. As one might guess, such people are dependable, calm, and modest. Like their animal namesake, the Ox is unswervingly patient, tireless in their work, and capable of enduring any amount of hardship without complaint.

Ox people need peace and quiet to work through their ideas (not so true for me...depends on the situation), and when they have set their mind on something it is hard for them to be convinced otherwise (as long as you have a logical arguement, I can easily change my mind). An Ox person has a very logical mind (depending...) and is extremely systematic in whatever they do (eh...), though they have a tremendous imagination and an unparalleled appreciation for beauty. These people speak little (HA! Totally and completely, 100% opposite of me) but are extremely intelligent. When necessary, they are articulate and eloquent.

People born under the influence of the Ox are kind, caring souls, logical, positive, filled with common sense and with their feet firmly planted on the ground. Security is their main preoccupation in life (fulfilling God's plan for me is actually my main preoccupation in life), and they are prepared to toil long and hard in order to provide a warm, comfortable and stable nest for themselves and their families (does 4 years of med school = toiling long and hard?). Strong-minded (check), stubborn (depending), individualistic, the majority are highly intelligent individuals who don't take kindly to being told what to do (haha...too true).

The Ox works hard, patiently, and methodically, with original intelligence and reflective thought. These people enjoy helping others. Behind this tenacious, laboring, and self-sacrificing exterior lies an active mind (overactive).

The Ox is not extravagant, and the thought of living off credit cards or being in debt makes them nervous (agree). The possibility of taking a serious risk could cause the Ox sleepless nights (but I like risky things).

Ox people are truthful (I try to be...) and sincere (definitely), and the idea of wheeling and dealing in a competitive world is distasteful to them (so true). They are rarely driven by the prospect of financial gain (nope). These people are always welcome in small gatherings because of their humble composure (haha...have you met me?) and reverent nature towards the host. They are reputed to be the most beautiful of face in the zodiac (well, well, well). They have many friends, who appreciate the fact that the Ox people are wary of new trends (opposite of me), although every now and then they can be encouraged to try something new (I LOVE trying new things). People born in the year of the Ox make wonderful parents and teachers of children (I guess we'll see...).

It is important to remember that the Ox people are sociable (holla!) and relaxed when they feel secure (I haven't felt secure since January 2006, but I have been relaxed since then), but occasionally a dark cloud looms over such people and they engage all the trials of the whole world and seek solutions for them.

Well, some of it is true and some of it isn't, but it was sure fun! Go Ox!

7 Months Left to Live

2009-01-20T20:38:00.004-06:00

To My Most Devoted Fan:

I only have 7 months left to live...I mean really LIVE it up! I start Medical School in August, sooooo...

I need some spontaneity in my life...no one else ever wants to rollerblade at midnight with me or go discover some amazing little cafe downtown or listen to weird and different music all day long or just drive around until something fun happens or play scrabble all day or just take long naps on the couches/watch movies at the same time or watch VH1 marathons until 5am or make fun of Flavor of Love, yet secretly love it, or get hit on by Flava Flav in person... We have more fun on accident than most have on purpose. All that to say, I miss you. Come see me. Maybe I'll come see you in February sometime. Joe T. keeps calling my name.

To The Rudest Person I Know:

2009-01-16T00:10:00.005-06:00

(You know who you are!)

If you think that you can just demote me without a fight, you have another thing coming!

It's soooo on! Be prepared to face some good, old-fashioned Armenian wrath. :)

Here's to 2009

2009-01-01T21:37:00.001-06:00

In a bullet proof vest
With the windows all closed
I'll be doing my best
I'll see you soon

In a telescope lens
And when all you want is friends
I'll see you soon

Ike Update for our Friends and Family

2008-09-13T20:42:00.006-05:00

Everyone is safe. We are safe and suffered very little damage. We were extremely blessed. We just got power about an hour ago. It went out about midnight last night. That is incredibly lucky considering about 2.6 million people in Houston are without power. They say they have restored power to 112,000 so far. That means that we are among the lucky 4.3% who have power again! How blessed are we!? I think we are the only one's in the family with power right now, though, so come on over everybody! Hurricane Party, Part 2!

Family Status:
-Sam and Lorig are safe, but there is severe flooding in their area. Their house is good so far, but there is still danger of rising waters. There were lots of fallen trees that barely missed their house. We can definitely see God's protection over them. I think they got it the worst though.
-Medzmama and Medzbaba evacuated to Dallas to stay with David and Lucie. They are safe. Baba checked on their house today and everything was great.
-Elize and her family are safe and staying at our house tonight because they have no power.
-Jackie and Dennis stayed with in-laws. Baba checked on their house and all is well. They are all safe.
-Jack and Lucine are safe, but have no power.
-Varouj, Georgik, and Edo are all safe as well.

We had so much fun last night hearing the intense, howling wind and seeing the trees tossed around like twigs. The front door and windows were shaking all night. It is an experience I will never forget. We were all huddled around the T.V. last night until the power went out and then we went all old-school and listened to the battery powered radio with flashlights. Raki is a pansy...he was scared and sat on me the whole time. It was pretty funny. The rest fell asleep, but I was up all night...I was too excited to sleep!!! I mean, how do you sleep during a hurricane!? It's too much fun! It was such a weird thing this morning to walk around the neighborhood and see it looking all crazy and stuff. Like I said, we were really blessed with little damage. Just mostly tree and roof damage. My favorite thing is how people are all automatically best friends in situations like these. After spending all day cleaning debris, we actually had a Hurricane BBQ with our neighbors using the food in the freezer so it wouldn't go bad, since we had no power at that point. Thanks for the memories, Hurricane Ike.

Hurricane or the Second Coming of Christ. Only time will tell...

2008-09-12T14:32:00.005-05:00

This armageddon storm aka Hurricane Ike is heading right towards Houston in a couple of hours. Many have fled, but we Armenians are a strong people and we have decided to brave the weather.

All joking aside, we are taking this Hurricane seriously. All the preparations have been made: food, water, batteries, radio, medicine, pet care, vodka, etc. The house and cars are hurricane-ready. It is good to be prepared.

I think it's really interesting how your priorities come to light in a time of danger. A situation like this can easily become a life and death one, as we all learned from Hurricane Katrina. I know from experience that when your life is on the line, you let go of all the futile things in life and only the things you truly value come through. I love how throughout the entire city of Houston, businesses shut down and schools closed. What matters are the essentials: food, water, shelter, safety, and most importantly, family.

I watched my family band together as we always have. Everyone calls each other to offer help. The elderly are taken care of. I can't help but to feel joy as I see proof of the love we all profess for each other. I can't help but feel proud of my dad as he offers to help people board up their windows and get houses ready. My mom, in true Armenian-mother fashion, is cleaning the entire house. I tried to remind her that Hurricane Ike is not coming as a house guest, but she insists on having a clean house for the hurricane. This is one of my favorite quirks about my mommy!

I have to tell you though, I am soooo excited. I LOVE bad weather! I am so looking forward to hearing the wind howl and seeing the storm. It's not that I want a hurricane to come, but the fact is that it is coming and nothing can be done about it. Why not just enjoy it? So, we decided to have a Hurricane party, not to celebrate the hurricane, but to make the best of a situation that has the potential to be scary. Instead of being scared, we like to look at the bright side. Take the time to enjoy the power and wonder of God manifested in something like a hurricane. It's just another testament of the power of God, and how insignificant we all really are!

May everyone stay safe and sound.

First Week of Class

2008-08-28T20:42:00.001-05:00

This looks to be a promising semester. Things are going well for me, in almost every aspect of life. My medical school applications are submitted and I have already been offered an interview! Yay! Now I just continue waiting. People tell you that the waiting game is the hardest part of the process. Well, I can say with confidence that they are dumb. I am loving this waiting stuff. Taking the MCAT was the hardest part. Passing Organic Chemistry II was up there. Now, I get to relax...finally...ummm, well, sort of.

The gem of my semester is going to be Physical Chemistry...notoriously evil. According to the syllabus: Upon completion of this course, students should be able to understand the principles of classical and quantum mechanics as they apply to biophysical experiment and theory.

Oh, should we now? Well, maybe you should speak for yourself, dumb syllabus. What does that even mean? Well, at least I got the prof to notice me in a class of 130 people. It's always important to stand out. How, you may ask? By laughing out loud when she said, as serious as could be, "failure is common."

Babies and other such Nonsense

2008-08-23T18:43:00.009-05:00

I went to a baby shower today for a family friend. It was definitely the stereotypical, let's all goo and gush and make unnaturally high pitched squealing sounds over baby stuff, ultrasounds, and all that crap. Don't get me wrong...I love babies. I really do. I love big families, having come from one myself, and I want lots of kids someday. Maybe 17...I haven't decided yet. All I'm saying is that I am not fond of estrogen-powered "lady" parties. I was proud to have the role of the token young, free-spirited single girl at this particular event.

The women would smile at me and sigh, as if they knew some great secret that I don't know yet. She can't possibly understand us, we remember what it was like to be young and free. They kept making "Mommy" jokes that only women who have had the sense of humor sucked out of them by one of those little bundles of joy could possibly find funny. I mean, when the day comes that I am found gushing over embroidered giraffes and paisley lettering, someone, PLEASE kick me in the pants. Alas, it's inevitable, isn't it? You don't have to tell me, I know I will eat these words someday. Aren't you just glad that it's all documented on the internet, to rub in my face later?

"Oh, but nothing can compare to the joy of a child," says a woman as her baby throws up all over her. By the way, this kid hasn't stopped screaming since she arrived...wait, is that a little glimmer of envy of my carefree, come-and-go-as-I-please life, I see in her eyes? Oh no, it's just some throw up.

Ode to Kali

2008-08-21T11:51:00.002-05:00

Oh, dear friend.
When I convinced us to go rollerblading at 3 am
It seemed like such a good idea at the time.
And it was for Lauryn and I.
Alas, for your poor bum, it was not.
Who knew I would have 2 pairs of rollerblades in the trunk of my car?
Yes, I stood there and laughed
And laughed and laughed and laughed
As you lay sprawled out on the pavement.
That speed bump was unkind.
Yes, I continued to laugh as we iced your bum down with a chilled bottle of wine.
YES, I laughed as you would call me with your woes,
You would describe the pain involved in the transition between sitting and standing,
The trials of living with a broken ass.
But then, Karma, came around.
I pulled my lower back muscle.
And now it's not so funny.

Except that it is! I still laugh, even at myself, but now I feel even more sorry for you than before. Actually, I am almost all the way better, and I know that mine was nothing compared to yours. But last Sunday sitting and standing in church was brutal!

I just want to take this opportunity in front of everyone to say:
I am sorry for convincing you to go roller blading with me.
I am sorry that you did not heed my advice to avoid the mountain you tried to rollerblade down. I am sorry that you hit two speed bumps.
I am sorry you jammed your ass.
But for the sake of having a hilarious story that still makes me laugh when I think about it,
I am not that sorry.

What have you been? - Part Deaux

2008-08-07T00:35:00.005-05:00

Lately, I've been doing a lot of reflecting. Reflecting on who I am, who I have been and who I've wanted to grow into. It involved some introspection. I had to look inside myself to see if I'm living up to the woman that I was hoping to be at this point. In some ways, yes, in some ways, no. I believe that God is steering me down the right paths right now and that His grace is enough to get me through the rough patches. And, boy, have there been some ROUGH patches. I felt his presence with me strongly as I was taking my monster test and was reminded that the only thing keeping me from that assurance all the time is myself. I allow myself to focus on what the world focuses on: relationships, dating, grades, career, money, health…take your pick. In the end none of this matters.

I am reminded of Luke 6:31-34 from the SPV Bible (Sevahn’s Personal Version):

“So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ [or Who shall I date? or Will I get into medical school? or Can I afford gas? or Did I choose the right career? or Is my GPA good enough? or Do people like me?] For the pagans run after these things and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

That’s His promise to me, so I had better hold up my end of the deal. So I'm ready to enter the world of a medical school applicant full of confidence in the God who has brought me this far. He has been faithful and kept His promises and I LOVE Him for it.

FAQ

2008-08-06T02:00:00.002-05:00

FAQ 1: How did you do on the MCAT, Sev?
I did well on the MCAT! Yahoooooo! For those of you who don't believe in miracles, well, let's just say this is a prime example. You should have seen how nervous I was to check my scores online. My hands were literally shaking. Once the numbers popped up on the screen, I just jumped and ran around the house for about 15 minutes yelling, with intermittent bouts of singing. Then, I ran to Soneeg, and made her check, just to make sure I hadn't gone dyslexic...I could hardly believe my eyes. It was a good day. I proceeded to celebrate my scores for the next few weekends, surely killing many of the braincells that assisted in said score.

FAQ 2: Well, Sev, what are you doing now?
Let's be honest, I am still celebrating...a lot. After the last semester I had, I feel I deserve it. You could sum up the pre-MCAT days with a Nada Surf song:

I had the blankest year,
I saw life turn into a T.V. show.
It was totally weird.
The person I knew, I didn't really know.

I used this summer as a sort of sabbatical, and feel much better as a result. Don't get me wrong, though. I also worked very hard this summer. I am working two part-time jobs in the medical center in research. I am also preparing for my last year at UH. Lastly, and most importantly, I am applying to medical school. Let me tell you, that has been quite a pleasure. [Insert sarcastic scoff here.] The funny thing is, when you tell people that you are applying to medical school, almost everyone likes to tell you how much they HATE doctors. They continue with personal little anecdotes about how horrible doctors are and how they were almost killed by one. I'm not sure how to take that. What's the polite response? "Umm...I'll try not to kill anyone" or maybe "Hey! You're right! Doctors suck. I think I'll be an artist instead." Well, if med school doesn't pan out, my back up plan has been and always will be to become a European vagrant.

Where have you been?

2008-08-06T01:12:00.003-05:00

Praise God. I truly have felt reborn since my last post. That's how I know it was real. Throughout all this time, I still feel rejuvenated. I feel like the happy-go-lucky person I used to be. That burden was lifted. The pain and the fear of the unknown was lifted. I let God in control and whatever it was that was holding me back, is gone. I feel close to God. I feel happy. I feel whole again! YES!

Having been in that dark place of loneliness, emptiness, and fear; hating who you have become, wishing you could go back to who you used to be, I can sense when others are there. Could this be a calling? I see my friends go through these valleys and I want to help them. If nothing else, just to say, "I was there, it sucks. There is only one way out. Jesus." It just helps to know you are not alone. Well, you're not.

2 Year Anniversary

2008-03-04T22:49:00.014-06:00

WHAT!?! 2 years? Feels more like 20, and yet the memories are as vivid as if it was yesterday. My two year anniversary for heart surgery was a few days ago (March 1). I missed the post because I was a sponsor on a youth retreat (Soul Link 2008) with my church...and also because I forgot that I had a blog. Ha.

Soul Link was amazing. I have just discovered an awesome band with an amazing ministry. Everybody check out Seventh Day Slumber. If you have ever felt pain, despair, or felt like an empty shell of a person...if you have ever thought that you were better off dead, dealt with addiction, or abandonment, you can understand the message these guys bring.

Your Spirit cannot help but be aware of
the truth that resonates from hearing the testimony of someone who has experienced these things firsthand.

God spoke to me this weekend.
Even two years later, I was still holding on to pain and fear from my past. I never truly surrendered it to God. I thought I had, but I had too many walls around my heart...so many to the point that I didn't even know what I was thinking. I was so busy convincing everyone else that I was fine, until I accidentally convinced myself too. It just festered deep within me, until one day it consumed me. Only God knew the truth, and He patiently, lovingly just waited 2 years for me to realize. It was during a Seventh Day Slumber song (Oceans from the Rain) that I heard God speak to me.

You can't be completely Mine, until You surrender every fear, every pain.
Jesus will wash your pain away.
And He's the only one.

I asked Him to...and He did.

The MCAT

2008-01-30T20:49:00.000-06:00

I just registered to take the MCAT this May!!! Aaaahhh! Last semester went well. OChem was difficult, but not impossible. It basically takes over your life. Now it's time for OChem 2, Calculus 3, Biochemistry, Evolutionary Biology, and a MCAT prep class. Time to be a big girl now...

2007-11-09T18:51:00.000-06:00

This is for everyone who is using my comment space to push your political propaganda:
STOP IT!
Haha! Ok, seriously though guys, quit it, it's annoying. I wouldn't even bring it up, but I am tired of reading these stupid comments. This blog is mainly for my family and friends who like to read up on me. Oh and guess what, most of us are Armenian. This means that we believe the Armenian Genocide actually occurred. SO you can try to convince me it didn't by regurgitating what you have been taught by your clearly subjective sources, but it won't actually work. I have already heard every possible reason of why it wasn't technically a "genocide" and frankly, it really demonstrates to me the ignorance and blatant disregard of facts and history. That includes you, Armenians. Like I said, you don't have to convince me it happened, I already believe it, so stop sending me stuff.

Please, understand that I do not think that modern day Turkey or modern day Turks are to blame. That time was a completely different time with a completely different government. My mother and her whole side of the family lived in Turkey for a long time. It holds a dear place in our hearts. I have been there myself, and I loved it! It was wonderful and very beautiful. The Armenian Genocide did happen, in fact, I have family that were killed in it. To sit there and try to tell me it was all a made up lie I consider to be the utmost disrespect for me, my family, and my people. 1.5 million Armenians killed is not a coincidence.

Being a true-blue American, I believe in Freedom of Speech, so it's fine to say what you think...just don't do it on my blog. Thanks! :) No hard feelings.

First Week of School

2007-08-21T19:41:00.000-05:00

Hey friends!
I miss you all and I hope you are well. Today is my second day of school. I am actually in the library killing an hour until my next class. First today, I had Genetics, for which I overslept and missed. Who misses the first day? Really? What an idiot! Then, I had Organic Chemistry directly after, which I made it to. Supposedly the hardest class ever! People who have graduated from medical school in all it's glory still refer to it as the hardest class they EVER took... :( Plus, there's a whole freaking section on it on the MCATs. Pray for me, dear friends. Then, I get an hour and a half break...which I am using today to catch up on emails, printing out notes at the library, etc, but in the near future will become library nap-time. Next, I have Microbiology at 1pm. Then Genetics Lab after that. Luckily the biology labs don't start until week two of school. I did have to go to Organic Chem lab yesterday though. It's going to be a 6 hour lab! Wow! I hope it'll be interesting. Maybe something will explode...that's always fun. I also started working out at the gym regularly again. I guess it's good to be back into a routine. I will also be working part time at the research lab between classes. I have no classes on Fridays, hallelujah! Well, that is my life right now. Just thought you might like an update. :)

One Year Anniversary!

2007-03-01T15:50:00.000-06:00

One year ago today I was having HEART SURGERY! Wild!

One year ago...

2007-02-24T15:09:00.000-06:00

One year ago yesterday was the day I was admitted to the hospital. It was on that day that I got to ride in an ambulance to the medical center. They worked to stabilize me all night. I remember drifting in and out of consciousness, but mostly I remember the pain. I also remember signing a sort of "will" and telling them my wishes if I was to be put on life support. It feels like some kind of bad dream. I can't believe it has been a year. It has felt like 10. Everything in my life has changed...physically, emotionally, socially, spiritually...I am not the same. I hope to be better than I was, with God's help, of course. I am feeling so great and life seems to be getting back on track.
Praise God!

Time to Party!

2007-01-31T13:23:00.000-06:00

Today is a day to celebrate!!! I just got back from my cardiologist and I have been officially discharged from his care!!! Hooray! That means that my heart is in perfect condition and that it is not a problem anymore! Woohoo! I am still going to my rheumatologist to try to discover the cause, which we still don't know, but who cares!?!

Last weekend was one of the best weekends ever, not because of what I did, but because of how I felt. It was the weekend of my 22nd birthday and so I went out to celebrate with friends. It was the first time I had any fun since the hosptial and it was proof that I am not an old woman, which I found myself believing. I am still a young person who likes to have fun. My life is not over and there is still plenty of time! 2007 truly is turning out to be a great, blessed year for me!

New Year's Wish

2006-12-31T16:51:00.000-06:00

This is the last day of the WORST YEAR EVER!!! Hooray! One year ago, this very week (between Christmas and New Years), was when I first got sick. It would take me three months to find out it was life-threatening.

I have been sick more days this year than I have been well. I have been on steriods almost half of the year, and that has not been pretty. I went from having a pleasing and abundant social life to being consumed with trying to stabilize my life and recover from being sick all the time. No time for fun. 2006 has not been so hot for me, but at the same time it has been a blessing. I am really blessed to have wonderfully supportive family and friends. I am blessed to have lived without much damage. I have come a long way and am feeling pretty good now. There are always slight setbacks, but it is definitely a 3 steps forward, 1 step back type thing. The best part of all is that I have an awesome testimony for God. Isn't that our purpose anyway? We are supposed to be telling everyone about Jesus and how he saved us. I feel so lucky to have such an interesting story to tell. It couldn't be more dramatic if I planned it, and after all, isn't that what people love to hear about? Just escaping death and gore!

Overall, I am ready to start a new year as a healthy, always happy, person. There are definitely things I need to improve on, but I have been praying that there be a shower of blessings on my family. They have stayed close to God despite the troubles that have come upon us this year. There were at least four of us hospitalized this year. Each serious in it's own way. It felt like we were under attack, but God took us under His wing just like He promised. He always does. I hope and pray this year will be a blessing!

NICU

2006-12-16T20:24:00.000-06:00

I just scrubbed in on my very first surgery. Naturally, I touched nothing, but it was still the coolest thing ever!!! I got to watch a live c-section! I got to see a new life begin and it was the most amazing thing I have ever seen in my entire life.

I shadowed my boss, a superb neonatologist, today. I got to see so many amazing and interesting things. Today really confirmed my desire to be a doctor. I want to be a part of that world. The people there are so smart and make such a huge difference. I shadowed in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit). It was full of teeny, tiny, very sick premies. I also saw some babies who were recovering very nicely. I was really lucky though because I got to see so many really cool procedures done including a neonatal spinal tap and arterial line, an epidural, and the emergency admittance of a septic infant. I got to see all aspects of the doctor's life including the oncall room, emergencies, dealing with hurting families, and going on rounds. It was a absolutely amazing experience. I can't wait to become a doctor. Wish me luck on my MCATs!

Metro

2006-12-13T20:01:00.000-06:00

The weirdest stuff happens on public transportation. I love riding public tramsportation because you never know who you are going to meet. It's a perfect chance to brighten someones day by giving up your seat or just smiling at them. I like people watching too. Thinking about who they are and what they might be up to.

I was riding the MetroRail from my $3 parking garage to the medical center (where it normally costs $11 to park), when I met a random (old?) man holding a cooked turkey. He had barely stepped onto the train when I noticed him staring at me. This happens alot so I pretended not to notice, when all of a sudden he struck up a conversation:
-You are the sexiest 82 year old I have ever seen.
-What? (Trying not to burst out laughing.)
-Your hoodie says established 1924...that makes you 82...(my Harding hoodie)
-I guess I do age pretty well...haha.
-I bet your husband/boyfriend is 106. You married?
-No.
-You know girls should always marry older guys. Young guys nowadays are so immature.
And don't you worry, the right guy will come for you. You know in my day....[a 5 minute speech ensues about how boys in his day were respectful of women and they didn't take bazookas to school to shoot each other, they took footballs and an occasional book...and people didn't get knocked up at age 12, and I should just have fun, but be careful not the get knocked up.] And by the way, if I was looking to have a little fun, he is a fun guy, and could take me out for some drinks.

Despite myself, I am laughing out loud at this point. People on the train are smiling, I even hear some muffled chuckles. I politely smile at this guy, and say thanks for the offer, but this is my stop. As I get off the train, so does he. He continues talking: he has not stopped talking since the moment he got on the train and spotted me. He tells me that when I date the next guy or break up with the current guy for being a jerk...I should put an add in the Chronicle for: [his name here] inviting an older, more mature man for drinks and a "fun time." Then he tells me to have a blessed day, as I cross the street to work. Haha!

Leadership Retreat

2006-09-17T23:18:00.000-05:00

I just came home from a leadership retreat regarding the Singles Ministry. I am excited to be a part of the team that is planning to jumpstart this ministry...and let me tell you there is a desperate need for it. I think I deserve a place to belong at church, as do all the other young people who are still trying to figure out their lives. We had a wonderful weekend of planning and motivating each other...and best of all tubing at the Lakehouse! My very first experience of being dragged in a tube by a boat was definitely a good one!

RoadTrip!

2006-08-31T23:15:00.000-05:00

I am excited to be going out of town this weekend! I am heading up to Dallas to see my Aunt Lucie, Uncle David, and adorable little cousins, then going on to Abilene to see Soneeg! Hooray!

Answered Prayer!

2006-08-26T01:33:00.000-05:00

Medzmama is officially home from the hospital!!!!
HOORAY!!!!!!

New School

2006-08-22T20:49:00.000-05:00

So far, so good! It really is exciting to be on such a huge campus, despite the fact that you have to park about a 10-mile hike away from the edge of campus. The parking is insane! By the time you make it to class you are drenched in your own sweat and dehydrated, but besides that I really like UH so far. The classes are huge and there are so many people everywhere. I love the diversity! I have already run into people I knew back in high school, so that has been fun. I was shocked today to hear the professor cursing while he lectured. All the things people say about the Harding bubble is true. It definitely isn't real life. But it was a nice bubble. I might miss it. Although, I must admit hearing that old man curse was hilarious. And there is an awesome student center area...with a starbucks and a smoothie king and a million other restaurants and cafes and such. Yes...be jealous Harding... Another thing to be jealous of is that there is no attendance policy! Hooray for being in a "real college" not a boarding school pretending to be a college!

UH

2006-08-20T00:58:00.000-05:00

I have been trying to decide which Houston school I should transfer to, and after much deliberation, I have decided to transfer to UH. I start classes this Monday. I feel so rusty on the whole school thing. I hope I remember how to read and write and stuff. :) I will be here all year long. At first I was kind of bummed about it, but now I am kinda excited. There is a lot to do here in Houston and I am excited to be going to a "real life" college (just like the ones you see on T.V.). You know the type: 800 students per class, auditorium seating, no attendance, no classes on fridays, and you actually get national holidays off. It's great! I will be taking physics 2 even though I took physics 1 about a year ago! I pretty much forgot everything I learned, but hopefully it'll come back fast. I am excited/anxious for school to start. I feel like a freshman all over again. I hope I can find all my buildings...

Princess Imani

2006-08-06T21:47:00.000-05:00

Camp Imani was AWESOME! It is always a great experience, but I particularly needed it this year. This would be the first thing that I have done that wasn't in a hospital or my house since March when I had my surgery. It was so great for me to be able to feel even semi-normal again. Although compared to last year, I could easily see that I am still very weakened and cannot do the things I once could. I already sound like a grandma reminiscing about the good old days, don't I? Haha. Well, that's my life and I'll deal with it.

It is soooo fun to be an intern at Camp. Some people have begun calling me Princess Imani because I was practically being pampered the entire time. I could basically do whatever I wanted to. I was ordered to take frequent naps, rest, and not do anything too strenuous. I did mostly everything the other interns did, except for moving some things, and I did skip one day of flagpole. They took extra good care of me. I literally got asked how I was doing about 20 times a day. I appreciated it though. :) Can't wait until next summer when I will be as good as new!

Camp Imani

2006-07-28T17:16:00.000-05:00

As many of you know, there was a big chance that I would not get to attend camp this year. In fact, I was not planning on coming, but fortuntaly I do get to go! Hooray! I went to a few of my doctors this week for some testing and they think it would be all right as long as I promise to take it easy. I promise! I have never missed even one year since the beginning of Camp Imani, and I don't wanna start now! I can't wait, it's going to be a blast! I probably will leave early, just to make sure I don't make myself sick being there, but that's ok with me. As long as I get to go even for a little while!!! Yay!

Hooray!

2006-07-12T15:22:00.000-05:00

Hooray for the Bible Study on Tuesday Nights at 7pm! I went last night for the first time, and I must say that it was fantastic! It was very encouraging and uplifting. I really needed this, especially at this point in my life.

I am in the middle of transferring Universities right now. I will have to stay here in Houston for longer than I thought because I am not quite well enough to live on my own again. I don't mind so much, though. I think that it could be a good thing. There are way more opportunities here in Houston than there ever would have been in Searcy. Although I am very grateful for my time at Harding, I realize that it is time to move on.....not like I had a choice or anything, but still...

I am also in the middle of changing majors and making some really important life decisions. Please pray for God to guide me and to help me maintain a good and positive attitude about it all. It's confusing and a little scary because the future is so unclear, but that is where faith and trust in God come in. I know He will be there, but I am just an imperfect human who needs reminding every now and then.

On a Praise God note, my grandmother has been moved out of ICU finally!!! Yay! She is now in a room recovering! Hooray!

Medzmama

2006-07-09T15:15:00.000-05:00

Hey Everyone!

A lot has happened since the last time I updated. Life has been good though. How can it be otherwise when God is in control.
I had been off the steroids for a month and things were going extremely well, until about last week. I started having pretty severe chest pains again. I have been in and out of doctor's offices all week long and fortunately, they determined that there is NOT fluid rebuilding around my heart! Hooray! I did not want to go through that again. However, there is indication of inflammation or something like that. At first they thought it was post-traumatic stress from being in a hospital environment and watching my grandmother undergo heart surgery. I thought so too at first, but eventually they determined that something might be wrong and needed to be addressed. What that ultimately and irritatingly means is that I am going to be back on steroids for another 3 weeks or so, or at least until they figure out what the heck is wrong.....BOOOOOOOO! It's the price I have to pay to be "healthy" I guess. Sigh. They warned me that it would take a long time to ever diagnose me, but seriosly, this is getting ridiculous!
I have a very important prayer request though! Like I said before my grandmother (my sweet little medzmama!) had an aortic aneurysm and had to have open heart surgery to put a graft in. While they were in there, they went ahead and did a bypass as well. This was a major surgery, and before she went in the doctor's informed us that she had a 1 in 12 chance of making it. Naturally, as we have done a million times before, we all hit our knees and gave it to God. The surgery was successful, but afterwards there were complications with her gallbladder. Only three days after MAJOR open heart surgery, they decided to remove her gallbladder as well. That was her second surgery. A few days after that, they noticed that she had fluid accumulating around her heart...grandmother like granddaughter. She had to have her third surgery to drain the fluids...SAME AS ME! She is currently still in ICU and now there is talk of needing a pacemaker, which will be a fourth surgery. Luckily, they have decided that the pacemaker is not that urgent and will give her poor body a chance to heal a bit. The best part is that all this has been happening in the last 2 weeks. Please keep her in your prayers. She is in a lot of pain, but she is putting her faith and trust in God.

We know that prayer works. I don't know why my family seems to constantly under attack, but I do know that no matter what we already have victory through Christ. No matter what happens, no matter how hard Satan tries to bring us down, nothing will ever change our Love for God and our committment to Him.

hello once again

2006-06-17T00:19:00.000-05:00

Hey. How is everybody? Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I have been sick and in and out of doctor offices a lot lately. I think I have found an extremely promising opportunity though. I'll let ya know more about it later. So far life has been weird. It seems like everyday I discover that there are still so many things that I can't do anymore, that I used to be able to do with ease. It is soooo frustrating. I am definitely one of life's valleys. Just as soon as I start feeling better, I crash and burn again. But I suppose they weren't kidding when they said it would take a long, long time to fully recover. This whole process has been one extremely emotional rollercoaster. I just thank God everyday for His continued blessings and for giving me such a wonderfully supportive family. I know I will get through this.

On a lighter note...YAY FOR THE WORLDCUP!!! Seriously though, I am sooooo dissapointed with the USA team. Are you kidding me? What the heck? I know we can do better guys! Tommorrow afternoon USA vs. ITALY....BRING IT!

Yay for work!

2006-05-15T20:00:00.000-05:00

Hey everybody! I started working again. I recently got another echocardiogram and they said that everything looks good! I got the O.K. to drive my car again and to have a low stress level job. It feels sooooo incredibly good to have something to do. I am working as one of the children's ministry interns at church again for the third summer in a row...they can't get rid of me...muah hahahaha! I actually was supposed to be working at a hospital this summer, but obviously my plans drastically changed due to some stuff that happened this last semester...you know, the almost dying stuff...oh well... :)

I discovered that I am not the kind of person who can sit around aimlessly and just watch TV all day. I have to have something to do,and not just stuff to keep me busy. I need goals in life. I have to be working towards something in order not to feel like a useless, good-for-nothing person. I found myself getting really depressed and just feeling all-around bad about myself and for myself. Some of that is obviously a side-effect of the medicines, but the other part was satan getting a hold of me and causing me to lose sight of all the blessings in my life. I started getting frustrated that my whole future was up in the air now...who knows what I will major in or how long it will take me to catch up or even where I should attend next semester? I was stuck at home with a pillbox and a walker while every other 21 year old was having the time of their life. One day, I just realized what I was doing. It was easy for me to trust God when my life was in danger, but when it was nothing except my own feelings of insignificance, I didn't want to bother God with those problems. I mean, why should He care about that? Besides what right did I have to bring up that stuff after all God had already done for me? Well, as soon as I realized that this is the faulty logic I was following, I stopped feeling sorry for myself. I wasn't going to worry about a thing because I knew that God would take care of everything. Not just the "big" things, but every minute detail as well. It was so silly of me to get caught up in feeling sorry for myself, but to make myself feel better I blame it on the meds...not my own obvious immaturity...hehe.

Anyways, it helps now that I am working again. I am really excited about my job. I absolutely looooovvveee working with the kids. They really do bring so much joy to everyone around them. I have a feeling that this is going to be a great summer after all.

2 Month Anniversary

2006-05-01T19:26:00.000-05:00

Hooray! Two months ago today I was in the hospital undergoing heart surgery. Here I am two months later doing very well! My life is finally starting to get back to normal. The last two weeks have been a tad on the rough side. That is part of the reason that I haven't posted in forever...I didn't forget about you. I feel much better now! I was feeling pretty sick most of the time because of the side effects of the medicines I am on. There are some pretty nasty withdrawal symptoms, but it won't be too much longer before I will be done with the steroids. Yay!

I went up to Harding last weekend to pack up my dorm room and bring all my stuff back home. I didn't really get to see everyone that I wanted to, but I did get to see some of my favorite people! That means you roomie! Don't be sad...we are gonna party it up over the summer when you come to see me! Good luck on finals to everyone!

Shuhnorehavore Zadeek

2006-04-16T10:52:00.000-05:00

Happy Easter Everyone!!!

Today is a day to celebrate! Jesus is risen from the dead! Of course as Christians we celebrate this each and every single day of our lives, but seeing as I am an Armenian…today is a day full of PARTIES!!! As a TRUE Armenian, we will use any excuse to party, especially something that is as great and worth partying about as Jesus’ Resurrection. I find it odd that Easter is not a bigger holiday than Christmas. To an Armenian it is just as big of a deal, if not even more important. Jesus’ birth is an amazing and wonderful thing, but the fact that He conquered death is where the real miracle is!!!

Here is an example of an awesome Armenian tradition on Easter:
When you see a fellow Armenian (or anyone for that matter) you exclaim with joy:
Heesoos haryav ee merelots! (Jesus is risen from the grave!)
Then, the person replies one of two ways:
Orhneyal eh harootyun uh Christos ee! (Blessed is the resurrection of Christ!)
OR
Tsez oo mez medz avedees! (Great news for you and me!)

I think this is one of the most beautiful traditions EVER! We are told to proclaim the good news to others. What better way to do it than to literally say it to one another. I think this should be a tradition spread to all Christians on all days of the year. Let us proclaim the miracle of Jesus and the salvation He brings us. HOORAY!

Revenge of the Plaquenil!!!

2006-04-15T13:19:00.000-05:00

I had my first experience with the adverse effects of the drugs. You know those little stickers on the medicine bottles that warn you about side effects...yea...those aren't just for fun. I have to take a lot of medicine during different times of the day. Most of them recommend that you eat food with the medicine, and normally I do. So far in the process I haven't experienced too many bad side effects, but I didn't eat with the meds two days ago. I spent the next 24 hours totally and completely SICK. I spent the entire night awake and bent over a toilet. Between bouts of vomiting, I was nauseous and trying not to pass out. My head was spinning and my stomach was cramping and I was so tired from the whole process that all I really wanted to do was sleep. Of course Mommy was up with me all night checking my heart rate and helping me clean up the vomit. It's funny how no matter how old you are, when you are throwing up, all you want is your Mommy to come and pat you on the back. Thanks Mommy for the incredible amounts of comfort you bring with just a single touch. I am much better now, although still tired from the whole ordeal. It was just a friendly reminder to not forget that I am on some serious medicine...and...Don't Mess With the Plaquenil!

Baking Bread

2006-04-06T16:16:00.000-05:00

I am all alone again today. Seelva is feeling better and everyone is back at school and work. Here I am, incredibly BORED, so I had to start looking for something to do! I took Raki for a walk and came back and did some dishes, cleaned up around the house a bit, and then started rifling through the pantry. Way in the back I found a breadmaker that I didn't know we have. Naturally, I decided to make BREAD! It's not just any bread...it's Mediterranean Black Olive and Herb bread. I have a confession to make though...it's out-of-a-box, just-add-water bread made specially for a breadmaker. Haha! I fooled you all! You thought I was becoming all domestic and making delicious bread from scratch. That takes actual talent, which I do not possess. But the kitchen does smell really good right now. :) Two hours to go in the breadmaker...

Last Will & Testament

2006-04-04T10:44:00.000-05:00

At one point in ICU I had to sign a paper that was a sort of legal will thingy…I think that is what it was. Basically, they wanted to know who would be in charge of my possessions if “something were to happen.” They also wanted to know if I would consent to life support. Can you believe that? Isn’t that intense? At the time I was amused and actually was joking with the nurse about my last wishes, but the reality of it is the fact that they asked. God is so amazing. In times like that He gives you a sort of peace. I was calm and just knew deep down, that it wouldn’t come to that. Praise be to God, that it never did come to that.

My First Ambulance Ride

2006-04-03T13:23:00.000-05:00

At the Sugar Land ER, I was in extreme amounts of pain, and as a result I had my first experience with Morphine. Let me just say…wow. :) They aren’t kidding when they say that it hits you right away. Anyways, I was supposed to be transferred from Sugar Land to Main Methodist Hospital by ambulance because that is protocol. My mom was to ride in the front of the ambulance with the driver and my dad was to follow behind in our car. They had to put me on a stretcher just like how they do it in the movies. They started rolling me out of the hospital, and then that’s when it all gets fuzzy. I remember trying to look around the ambulance and make memories of the ride, but my eyes wouldn’t even focus. It was like a strange dream. Next thing I know, I felt my head roll back and my arms fell off the stretcher. It was the weirdest feeling because I had no control over my body. I remember feeling really dizzy and hearing the paramedic get on the radio and say “Our transport is now an emergency! Give me a nice smooth, ride.” I saw the flashing lights come on and then felt the driver pick up speed, swerve around cars, and beep mercilessly. Apparently, my heart rate was up way too high and my blood pressure dropped far too low. He had to put in another IV, so I had IV’s in both arms to get lots of fluids in, and then he had to elevate my feet and lower my head, so that I was practically upside-down. Then he kept slapping me and trying to make me talk to him. I remember that part. I remember being annoyed…haha…I just wanted to drift away and fall asleep.

We finally got to Main Methodist and it was just like ER!!! That was pretty sweet. They went running in, rolling me along. The rest of what happened is kind of a blur. I do remember that they had to cut off my clothes with scissors (how dramatic!). I think maybe some people did some x-rays and another heart ultrasound. I’m not really sure. All I know is that by this point I needed to be stabilized. I think the rest of the night was spent trying to do that and to figure out what was wrong. Keep in mind, at this point, they still have no clue what is going on. They didn’t realize the extent of the heart condition.

It was February 23, 2006 that I was admitted to the Intensive Care Unit at Main Methodist. I spent the next 4 days in ICU.

Walker-Free

2006-04-02T19:42:00.000-05:00

I went to church this morning and it was wonderful. The cool thing about today was that I didn't even need my walker. Hooray! It is always so encouraging to go to church. I always feel so loved and uplifted when I am there. Thanks to Robert for letting me borrow LOST: Season 1. Apparently I don't know what I am missing when it comes to this series. Don't worry though, the Allahverdian family will be introduced to this "amazing" series now and all will be well. :) After church we had Cajun BFG Sunday. I tried gumbo for the first time ever and it was delicious. Today ended up being a great day. I got to get out of the house and see lots of people and hold a baby! It was a good change. Hooray! Thanks to everyone who made today such fun! It was soooo good to see you all!

1 Month Anniversary

2006-04-01T22:05:00.000-06:00

Today is the one month anniversary of my heart surgery and I feel great! Hooray! In celebration, I have officially moved upstairs! I now have access to the entire house. I went up and down four or five times today without becoming completely fatigued! Yay!

So, Here's What Happened...Part 2

2006-03-31T21:20:00.000-06:00

I finally got home to Houston and my mom and both took me to the doctor that the majority of my family uses. He used to be a family practitioner, but now is an OB-GYN. Of course, we still use him for everything. So we went to this doctor, and HE IS A GENUIS. One of the first things he did was get on his cell-phone and directly call a cardiologist friend of his on his personal cell. He arranged for me to drive directly over to his office for an immediate echocardiogram and an EKG. Keep in mind that up to this point, nobody had any kind of clue that my heart was even involved. At the cardiologist office, we discovered that I had pericardial effusion, which is when there is fluid built up in the sac around the heart. I was told that we would treat this through medicine and to go home while they processed some of the blood work they had done. So, I went home to rest. It was that very afternoon that I had the most unbearable chest pain. It was just like the kind you see on TV, where the 80 year old man clutches his left arm and falls on the floor in utter agony. Yup. It was just like that. I was laying there crying out loud and heaving. My dad was upstairs and says that he thought I was laughing or something. He came downstairs to check on me, and man, you should have seen the look on his face. I feel so bad for my parents. I scared the daylights out of them. Haven’t they been through enough? Really! My dad immediately called my mom and the next thing I know I am at the Sugar Land Methodist Emergency Room.

It was here that I met my Cardiologist. Here is another one of those things that shows just how much God is in control. My doctor just happened to be and the Sugar Land ER at that time. He does have a rotation there, but he primarily works at the Main Methodist Hospital at the medical center. . He is the son of one of the three top doctors associated with the DeBakey Heart Institute and is known for being just as smart, intuitive, and kind-hearted as his father. Everyone who heard who my admitting physician was, always would tell me how lucky I was to have gotten him. Of course, we all know that luck had nothing to do with it. It was definitely God’s favor. Dr. Raizner has done a fantastic job taking care of me, I am very pleased with the care I have received. He was the one who realized the extent of my condition, and recommended that I be admitted and transferred to Main Methodist Hospital, which one of the TOP hospitals in the nation.

You know what this means, don’t you? It means an AMBULANCE RIDE!!!
Keep checking posts for my First Ambulance Adventure!

My Own Bed

2006-03-31T17:38:00.000-06:00

So, I have been sleeping upstairs the last few nights. I still camp out downstairs during the day, but I wanted to start sleeping in my own bed. It works out pretty well because by the time I get to the top of the stairs, I am exhausted and fall straight to sleep. Yay for my bed!

The Best Weekend Ever!!!

2006-03-26T17:16:00.000-06:00

This post is dedicated to Lauryn Pritchard!!! Thanks for the best weekend ever!!!

One of my best friends from Harding came down to visit me for the weekend. We met at the JFK Airport in New York, and ended up being potluck roommates for our semester abroad in Greece. Ever since then, we have been super close.

This weekend was awesome because I had a whole lot of fun and finally began to feel like a semi-normal person again. Well, as normal as one can feel riding around Target in an electric wheelchair that sounds like an 18-wheeler backing up. :) Yes, I went out in public this weekend!!! Hooray! It was physically tiring even though I didn’t do much, but emotionally it felt SOOOOO GOOOD!!! It’s funny how you take so many things for granted. Something as simple as going out in public is so exciting!!!

I am now resting at home from my busy weekend, but I am definitely feeling great! Thanks to a great friend who knows exactly how to cheer me up! Yay for ghetto nails, tenderloin, brown eyes, and loft apartments!

Shoutout to the Armenians

2006-03-22T19:19:00.000-06:00

Parev tsez! Eench bes eck? Lav eck? Yes goozem eem hye paregam ner yev eenger nereen uhsem PAREV yev yes tsez shad guh seerem!

Translation:
Ha! Don't you wish you knew what that said!?! It's secret! I'll never tell you, white people! Hee Hee! :)

What's Wrong With Sevahn?

2006-03-21T14:46:00.000-06:00

It just occurred to me that I never did say what they know that I do have for sure. I had severe PERICARDITIS. (Something they don’t see happen randomly to healthy 21-year-old girls too often, hence the bestowing of the title “medical anomaly.”)

Pericarditis is when too much fluid collects around the heart and causes severe inflammation and pain. Normal people have about 40 cc (1-2 oz.) in their pericardium…I managed to have about 400 cc (about ½ a liter) and then drain at least an additional 400 cc from the tubes they inserted in surgery. If Pericarditis goes untreated it can lead to heart failure, which is really close to where I was. It puts the heart under tremendous pressure. Mine was beating at around 140 bpm and not very efficiently. My blood pressure also kept dropping dangerously low. At first the doctors wanted to try and reduce the fluid through medicine, specifically steroids. After about a week in the hospital, they saw that the fluid was actually increasing rapidly and becoming fibrous, so the only option was…[cue dramatic music]…HEART SURGERY!!! The doctor literally walked in and said, “You have to have heart surgery tomorrow morning, we can’t wait.” Come to find out that if we had waited any longer to do the surgery, it may have been too late. But not to worry, because God is always looking out for me! He is so good! :) Despite the rumors, no, it was not open heart surgery. There was no bone broken at all. They did it through the cartilage below the sternum. The surgery they did is called a “Pericardial Centesis” and they inserted a “pericardial window” and took a biopsy of my pericardium. They make a 5 inch incision in your chest and insert a rubber tube that comes out below the incision. I literally have an exclamation mark scar on my chest now…it’s pretty sweet!
Anyways, I had a rubber tube coming out of my chest collecting my “heart juice” for about 8 days after surgery. The point is to create a drain to reduce the amount of fluid that is collecting around the heart. Now I am on some serious amounts of steroids, along with lot of other junk, for the next couple months which basically help control the fluid buildup. For anyone who has ever had to take steroids (legally, I mean) YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THEY SUCK! They really screw your body up. But it’s either feel crappy from the medicine or heart failure, I think I’ll take my chances with the meds.

So what do I do now? Well, according to the doctors, I was severely sick and my body had a lot of trauma, and it will take a long time for me to recover completely. But it is better to slowly and completely recover, than to try to do too much and relapse, so…I have been instructed to stay home the rest of the semester and devote myself to absolutely nothing but recovery. Yay! I am actually excited about this. A girl knows how much she can take, and let me tell you, there is no way I could go back to school. I am to cut all stress out of my life and just focus on controlling the side effects of the drugs and slowing gaining my strength back. I am thinking that pretty soon, I won’t even need a walker. I am giving myself about 1-2 weeks and then I really do think I will be walker free! Here’s hoping!

So, ultimately there are two options of what is really wrong with me:
Option 1: I have some kind of Auto-Immune Disease or Rhuematological disorder, which is the true cause of the Pericarditis and inflammation. The Pericarditis is just a reaction to that. If it is this option, I may have a disease that won’t go away, but not to worry because with the proper care, the symptoms are all controllable. People can live full and happy lives with these things. It just takes an entire lifetime devoted to taking care of your body.
Option 2: I had Severe Viral Pericarditis. This is the better of the two options, because if it really was some random virus that attacked my heart, it can heal and won’t necessarily recur. I will recover 100%.

Let us all be praying that I am dealing with Option 2! I have a great feeling that I am. God can heal anyone from anything. We all saw what happened with Anaheed. He can completely wipe away whatever I have. Who knows!

They have done tons of testing and will continue to do so, and so far I am coming up with mixed results. When they first started testing for the auto-immune disorders, I was coming up positive. As they continued with much more complex and specific tests, the results came out negative. I confused them yet again. The doctors kept saying that this was really odd. They don’t understand. But I know what happened. All this time that I am in the hospital, PEOPLE HAVE BEEN PRAYING. If you don’t believe in the power of prayer…well, let me tell you something…IT WORKS! My entire family, entire church, entire Harding campus, all my friends, and all my friend’s friends, and all my parent’s friend’s friends were praying.
I mean, seriously, how do you explain that I started out testing positive, then all of a sudden the tests started coming out negative!?! GOD!!! Isn’t He amazing?!? Yes! Yes He is! And the truth is that even if it isn’t viral and it doesn’t go away. He is still amazing. No matter what happens. Even if it does end up being something much more serious, even if I have to deal with problems the rest of my life, God is still amazing. My family and I will always feel this way. Without a doubt. No matter what! :)

First Follow-Up

2006-03-21T13:15:00.000-06:00

I just got back from my first follow-up doctor visit today. I went to my cardiologist and had more blood drawn and testing done. They did another EKG and a heart ultrasound. The truth is that there is really still no update. They are just monitoring me at this point. I have millions of more doctor appointments set up and tons of drugs to take, so right now we just have to see what happens. So far, things are on track...well, as on track as they can be considering that we still don't know what is going on. The good news is that I am feeling a little better and getting a little stronger everyday, Praise God!

Airline Testimony

2006-03-20T08:21:00.000-06:00

I started feeling really bad, really fast. I called my parents and of course they insisted I come home right away. My dad immediately bought me a plane ticket for early the next morning with Continental Airlines. Houston is about an 8-9 hour drive from Harding. I couldn’t even sit up in a chair for 5 minutes much less sit in a car for that long, and I surely couldn’t drive. I generally fly Continental Airlines when I can because it is a non-stop, one hour flight. We made all the proper arrangements, and everything seemed to be in order. All I had to do was survive through the night.

I didn’t sleep at all that night because I was in intense pain. I just dealt with the pain instead of going to the ER, purely because I knew I would be home the next morning. I knew my parents could take me to some real doctors and I was pretty fed up with Arkansas docs at the time. Finally, it was morning, and the phone rang. My dad called to tell me that all flights to Houston Intercontinental had been canceled due to fog, but that he arranged another flight with another airline because we both knew there was no way I would last another day here and I was definitely too weak to try for stand-by. My dad found a flight with Southwest Airlines that had only one stop in Dallas and no plane change that left that very morning. It ended up being cheaper than the Continental flight, there was no assigned seating and I somehow ended up being the first person on the plane, I sat in a front seat with extra leg room, and fell directly asleep for the next 2 hours. All these things I totally attribute to God watching out for me. The most awesome part is that the Southwest flight took me to Hobby Airport. What difference does that make, you may be wondering…well, it made all the difference in the world.

The fog that I thought was a terrible inconvenience, forced us to find an alternate flight, that forced me into another airport. I don’t know if you remember but on February 22, 2006 there was a security breach at Houston Intercontinental and all of Terminal B, the terminal I was supposed to be arriving at, was evacuated and people were standing outside for hours that day. I know that I would not have had the strength make it.
Looking back, I can see that God was totally in control. A situation that started out being absolutely terrible, ending up helping me tremendously. Just think how easy it would have been to be angry and have the attitude of “Why is God doing this to me?…Why fog? Why now? Why today?” I think that sometimes, actually most of the time, we can’t see the bigger picture, and what we can see seems like it is random cruelty from God. But we must remember it never is. We have to remember that God has plans to prosper us and not to harm us. We must persevere as Job did. We must trust Him. If we do, he will go so far as to make even the littlest details work out.

The Doctor Visit from Hell

2006-03-18T10:41:00.000-06:00

I talked about how my roommate skipped her classes to take me to the doctor in an earlier post. This was the doctor visit from hell. The one where I blanked out for about 2 hours. I came to, in the middle of the nurse taking my blood pressure and saying it was too high. I came to, just in time for the doctor to come in with a prescription for anti-depressants. This MORON had the nerve to tell me that he thought I was depressed. So, naturally, I told him he was totally wrong and that he didn't know what he was talking about. Being that I am majoring in the medical field and minoring in psychology, I have taken enough classes to know that I was NOT depressed. I WAS SICK! I didn’t know what I was sick with, but I knew things were not well. And if I was bummed out, it would be because I had been feeling like crap for 2 months straight. Granted, I have no idea, what I said to him in my "unconscious" state, but still...I did tell him that I had been unconscious in his very office, but he didn't seem to think that this was relevant. You should have seen the look on his face. He looked shocked that a patient would defy him, and even more shocked that the patient knew the names and types of drugs he was recommending, the symptoms they were supposed to treat, and was in a bad enough mood, to point out to him that this was a ridiculous prescription. HAHA. Before you go feeling sorry for this guy...you should know something. When I rejected the antidepressants, he prescribed me sleeping pills. Harmless sleeping pills, right?

When I mentioned this to the doctors in ICU, they were furious. According to them, if I had taken even one of those sleeping pills that night, I would be dead. It is so weird to type those words. I would be dead. Praise be to God, though. He is my protector. I know He is the one who guided me, and gave me the insight to reject antidepressants and sleeping pills. Obviously, the Arkansas doctor didn't know about the massive amounts of fluids around my heart (or the fact that it was beating at about 140 beats per minute which is way above the average). He didn't realize that the pill would have put even more strain on my heart, and it would have probably stopped it in my sleep.

I would like to take this opportunity to give a word of caution to all: Be your own caretaker and take responsibility for yourself. Just because someone has an M.D. does not make them a smart person. There are so many talented and wonderful doctors out there, but there are just as many idiots out there too. Please do your own research! Check out WebMD. I did, and it helped me immensely. I almost self-diagnosed just from doing my own research online. It helps when you can go to the doctor and have ideas to bring to them. They are people too, and can just as easily make mistakes. Please, please, please take the initiative to teach yourself things. It will make such a difference in how you are treated by the doctors and nurses and also in the care you receive.

Another word of caution: Be careful with what drugs you take. Just because a doctor prescribes it, does not mean you need it. Some doctors will give you drugs just to keep you quiet. Some do it for promotional reasons and benefits for themselves. There are alot of drug companies out there just to make money. Don't get me wrong...I am NOT anti-drugs. I believe that God has blessed us with the knowledge and science and means of producing these things to help make lives better. However, like all things, drugs can be abused. Particularly things like anti-depressants and sleeping pills. I wonder what the world would be like if less people depended on pills and more people cast their worries and burdens and cares on Jesus. I personally think it would be a whole lot better.

So, Here's What Happened...

2006-03-18T08:21:00.000-06:00

It was the week between Christmas and New Year's that I started feeling sick. I thought it was just a typical cold, you know, just the normal old sickness that goes away in a week or so. Except that it never did go away. I have been consistently ill since then...the entire year of 2006.

My symptoms presented as asthma/flu-like symptoms. Over the course of the next three months, my symptoms changed and progressed. I had difficulty breathing...my lungs actually hurt. Then, I started getting muscle spasms and twitches. I started experiencing fatigue, shortness of breath, and couldn't do even the simplest things. Walking up the stairs absolutely wore me out. The weird thing was, that I had never in my life experienced anything like that. Throughout all this, I went to 5 different doctors. They did blood tests and chest x-rays. They told me that all the back pain was probably because I bruised a rib or pulled a muscle from all the coughing. They gave me painkillers and muscle relaxers and told me to wait it out. So I did. At one point, my parents even flew me down to Houston to see my own doctor, who said the same thing, so I went back to school. With the meds, I started to feel a little better, but I knew I still wasn't 100%. About one week after I came back to Harding, the muscle and back pain got unbearable. I couldn't go to class, I could barely make it from the living room to my bedroom. My wonderful roommate took such good care of me. [I love you Amber!]

That very day I started experiencing chest pain. Yes, chest pain. My right arm and leg went numb. My fingers developed splinter hemorrhages within a day, and became increasingly painful. That's when I knew that I did not have asthma or a bruised rib and that I couldn't wait another minute. Whatever it was, was serious. My roomate skipped her classes to take me to another doctor. It was at this doctor office that I blanked out, for the first time in my life. I cannot remember what happened in the next two hours. My roomate said that I became extremely incoherent and couldn't remember where I was or why I was there. I have NEVER in my life not had complete control of my mind. That alone was a scary experience. I called my parents, who insisted that I fly home right away. My dad bought me a flight for early the next morning. Keep reading the posts for the "Airline Testimony".

Finally I made it home...the rest of the story to be continued later...

I Have A Walker!

2006-03-15T16:03:00.002-06:00

I have been home for a couple of days now...and I am feeling pretty good.

It's truly humbling to go from being an independent college student, who had the next 5 years planned out, to becoming someone who can't even sit up in bed alone and has no idea what the next week holds. I am totally dependent on my family for physical support. We are all totally dependent on God for emotional support. I have complete faith that He is in control. And that is what gives me strength and joy everyday. Our spirits are high because we have God in our lives and we know that everything is going to be perfect, because He is perfect. I don't know what will happen, but I pray that His Will be done. As long as it is in God's Will, things will be good! I truly believe that. That is why I can laugh and joke and truly be happy, throughout this whole ordeal. The joy that God gives you in hard times, when the world tells you that your situation sucks (which it does), and the peace that passes all understanding is amazing and truly miraculous. God is soooooo good!

- Phillipians 4:7 -

And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

I am happy to report, however, that I am getting stronger everyday!!! I am now strong enough to get up and walk around without help. By walk around I mean that I can move from the couch in the living room, where I now permanently reside because I have yet to master the stairs, to the guest bathroom...all on my own! Hooray! I can't go very far without becoming exhausted, but I still feel like I accomplish more everyday. Things are going well. Praise God!

Ooo! Guess what? I have my very own walker! How cool is that! I'm just like that old man on Family Guy. All I need are some tennis balls to put on it. That would be sweet. You know what else is sweet? I have a nurse that comes to MY house to check on me! I am kinda enjoying this being waited on hand and foot stuff. If you gotta be sick, might as well go all the way, right? [note sarcasm] Seriously though, I would give up all the attention and service in a heartbeat... [heartbeat? get it? because my heart is the thing that is messed up and i had heart surgery and stuff...hahahahaha...sigh] We can all blame the meds. Anyways...

A lot of people are still confused as to what is going on, and to tell you the truth, I'm not really sure either. I am still awaiting a diagnosis, and will still be getting more testing done. I have the first of a series of different doctor appointments on Tuesday, so hopefully that will prove informative. But seriously, don't hold your breath. Don't worry, though, I will be sure to update you when I learn more. I will also be posting the events that took place in the hospital. Apparently, people want to know all the awesome details. And as an added bonus I have some pretty awesome pictures!

Until then...Have a super day!

Home Sweet Home

2006-03-12T15:20:00.004-06:00

Hey Everybody, 4 days in ICU, one heart surgery, and a total of 15 days later...I am HOME from the hospital!!! Let me tell you...it is sooooooooo good to be home! I was severly ill with some kind of mystery illness (and they still don't know what is wrong...I have been declared a medical anomaly...yes!) I am at home recovering and continuously seeing doctors and being tested. It's going to take a while to heal, but God is so good and He gives me strength every day! I trust Him completely and know that He has awesome plans for me (Jer. 29:11). He is healing me! I just want to thank everyone for the calls, emails, concern, and most importantly the PRAYERS. Keep em' coming! I love you all!

Since I will be home for the next couple of months recovering, I needed something to keep me occupied. Ron Clarkson geniusly recommended that I start a blog. Thanks Ron! God is working in my life in such a powerful way, and this is a perfect opportunity to share with the world what He is doing.